Anaheim

I hate Anaheim. There is nothing about Anaheim that I do not hate. The Texas Rangers dropped their second in a row tonight to the haloic ass mongers; rather, Chan Hobag Park lost to the winged bastards. After striking out with a couple of scalpers (the gay kind that actually work for ticket brokers and have no intention of really hagling with you), I found my trusty guy on the other side of the whole effing stadium, who told me he didn't have much left beause it was picture frame night. Who the hell comes to a baseball game to get a picture frame? And you almost can't tell the frame has anything to do with the Angles, what with the Wild Rivers crap all over it. I think I'm going to use it to rotatingly put pictures of people I hate in it and throw things at it. Pictures of people like Choan Phygguns.

Then, after the Korean wonderfart had given up 8 runs while getting only 3 outs, and he was pulled for Texas'-Long-Reliever-To-Be-Named-Later, I realized how else I had gotten screwed. With Parkthesharkbonker pitching, every Korean in Orange and LA counties had turned up for the game (no doubt driving their Lexuses that they bought because it never occured to them to buy anything else) because they had nothing better to do. And that's why I couldn't get a decent ticket (look, I was willing to shell out if I could have found one). They came, watched him implode for an inning, and then went home. I hate them for it.

And Alfonso Soriano did his best to help the cause, norrowly missing Bartolo CO-lun's jugular vein with a bat shard in the first inning. Having failed as an assassin, he then proceeded to suck balls the rest of the game. Not as much as Hidalgo, though, who made the final out with the bases loaded twice and ended the game by forcing the tying run out at second. Highpriced freeagentpickupneedstogositonapieceof rusty rebar.

In other news, the city of Anaheim (which is actually Korean for "Michael Eisner's pancreas") fell ten feet closer to sea level due to Bartolo CO-lun and Benjy Lardball Moleenuh being on the same infield. Seriously: they make a really good battery, since burning their combined body fat could power their stupid city for two years.

Oh yes, then there was the misplaced (in that he seemed like decent person) individual who was running the "bar" on the view level. Essentially, it's a concession stand with a wodden counter with bar towels on it designed to get whoever's serving there some extra cash when people sense the environment practially demanding a tip. Oh, and the bills and coins he had lying around probably weren't a hint either. Here's a hint, dickear. I am not going to pay you $6.75 for a small cup of beer and then drop cash for your doing exactly what every other unnaturally slow Aramark (there's a whole nother rant in its own right) concessioneer does here. And what's with all the "permanent" concession stands (the ones built into the stadium and the only ones that take plastic) on the view level only having Coors Light on tap? It wouldn't have to do with the fact that you have to water your beer down up there because you know your city is full of lifeless losers who have nothing better to do than to pay the Scalpers Formerly Known as "the gay kind" way too much money for seats up there and expect to be able to get drunk drinking the "cheap" (ha) domestic sewage. Tell you what. Why don't you burn your stadium and the whole town down and start over from Disneyland, instead of tollerating the Happiest Overpriced Place on earth to clash with the rest of your worthless city. Really. Your city blows and should probably start accepting pesos.

But back to the Angels. What other team brings in their closer with a four run lead, only to have him nearly blow the game? None of your sorry fans were around to see it, but he couldn't find the strike zone. Let me guess--you want to make sure he gets some work? Yeah, wouldn't want him to sprain an arm using the remote in October.

And HOW THE HELL can you tollerate the Rally Monkey? That is the stupidest, most embarassing disgrace to show its face at a baseball stadium in the history of the game. You should have to apologize to the whole world for it. After having Jim Gray walk through your back door, if you know what I mean. And after the Korean Embasy offers me a general apology. "We're just sorry," would do.

Meanwhile, Alan Greenspan farted and the price of gas started rising again.